You think things are fine with your marriage, and then your spouse suddenly says they want a divorce. Although you may have suspected that there were issues within your marriage, you are completely thrown by their announcement.

Negotiating your way through a divorce is never easy, even when both sides agree to the split. Navigating through it when it is a surprise is even more difficult. Here are some steps that can make it easier.

• Find someone to talk to
Your emotions are going to go crazy, so find a professional you can talk with, like a clergy member, spiritual leader, or therapist. Speaking with an unbiased professional can help provide clarity to your thoughts and help you think rationally when emotions flare.

• Engage a family law attorney
Immediately begin looking for an attorney, and interview them to make sure you find the right fit; chances are your spouse may have already engaged an attorney even before breaking the news to you.

Knowing your rights, and what the law in your State allows, will be important as you negotiate your divorce. An experienced family law attorney like the Law Offices of Patricia E. Tichenor, P.L.L.C. can assist you to set a plan in action and help you avoid costly mistakes.

Your family law attorney can help understand the legal process, develop a strategy of what steps to take next, how to react to your spouse’s legal actions, draft legal documents for court, negotiate settlement, or even assist with obtaining temporary custody and support orders, injunctive relief to protect assets from being depleted by the spouse seeking the divorce, or a seeking a restraining order if there are issues of abuse. Be open with your attorney about what’s going on even if you feel ashamed or embarrassed, as that will ensure you get accurate advice about your case and your best course of action.

• Be proactive and preemptive
Don’t just sit back and wait for your spouse to take charge. Set up your own action plan for dealing with the divorce. You will want to protect your assets, bank accounts, living accommodations and child custody arrangements, and be ready with your wishes when it is time to sit down and negotiate.

Photocopy all documents relating to finances and other legal property, and photograph your valuables. If papers seem to be missing, directly ask your spouse for them; they may be attempting to protect their own interests by hiding documents. Set up your own bank accounts and credit cards (tell your spouse if you cancel a card), but do not attempt to take all the money or run up large bills out of spite. Seek advice from your attorney about permissible uses of assets or lines of credit.

• Be communicative
Although the news can come with a plethora of emotions ranging from disbelief to anger, and thoughts from sadness to revenge, it is best to remain communicative and open with your spouse. Even if they make you furious, they have rights too. It will make the entire negotiation process easier.

• Keep the children out of it
Don’t involve the children in your battle, or make them take sides. They are merely bystanders to your divorce from your spouse. It is okay to let them see that you are sad, but refrain from bad-mouthing your spouse or attempting to manipulate your children to your side. It is best if you and your spouse break the news to your children together, and assure them that the divorce is not their fault.

• Consult with friends who have gone through a divorce
Some of your most valued support may come from friends who themselves have gone through a successful or collaborative divorce. They may have tips on how to survive during this family upheaval, and may be able to assist in other ways, like watching the children or being there when you need to talk. Every case, however, is different, so do not use their input to gauge what you should ask for or obtain in court; instead, leave that subject to your attorney’s expertise. Beware of counsel from those who have not undergone a divorce, and avoid advice that instructs you to “get back at” your spouse to punish them.

• Take care of yourself
Avoid letting your emotions drag you into a depressive or otherwise harmful state, even though you should take time to grieve. You are suffering a loss, similar to a death. Use this time to create a new life for yourself. A little pampering never hurts either. Take time to be with friends and do enjoyable activities that will take your mind off your current situation. Don’t let the divorce devastate your self-esteem, and don’t beat yourself up over it. You are still a worthy and valuable person. Don’t however, jump immediately into a new relationship; that would be disastrous for all.

Contact the Family Law Attorneys at the Law Office of Patricia E. Tichenor, P.L.L.C.
Trust the counsel of Northern Virginia attorneys Patricia Tichenor and Camellia Safi to help you navigate through the separation, settlement, support, and child custody issues involved with your divorce. You’ll want to have a passionate, experienced attorney on your side. Contact us today.